I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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