they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
