he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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