smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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