I bet he comes in French.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
