don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
