also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
