Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just had sex on a roof
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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