Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
