Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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