I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
