Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
