I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
