i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
