He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
