Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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