I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
this just has baby written all over it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
