Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
