literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
