i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
