I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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