I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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