I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
