i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
it was like his penis was on wheels.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
