I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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