he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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