9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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