I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
