Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
