Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
