Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
