well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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