How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
