If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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