Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
