Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
