Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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