I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
