Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
