you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
