He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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