i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
