So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
