You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
