I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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