i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You took a bar mat shot.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
