70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
