Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
