Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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