remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
