i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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