dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
