i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
