so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
