Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
