What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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