My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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