the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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