She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
