and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
